College Seminar Three The Art of the Conversation - Geishas and Therapists

    So by now I’ve been on about 15 dates – give or take a few and I have realized the complete incompetence of men on a first date. Yes, many men are able to go through the motions and the polite procedures of chivalry, but in order for a woman to earn her dinner she must fill one of two roles: the geisha and the therapist. The geisha is the role of the entertainer. The therapist has to listen to the male’s problems and get at to the heart of his deep issues – often because he never talks and he needs to act out his catharsis in some manner.
The Geisha  
    When a woman is forced to play the role of a geisha she must constantly entertain her date. She has to chat incessantly in order to fill the dead gaps in the date, as her male companion has not learned how to hold a conversation. She has to laugh as if on a perfect egg timer to the limited offerings of jokes her date supplies. She must manage all of this while smiling and nodding politely throughout.
   In these discussions, it is a truly a one-way dialogue. The man ultimately has nothing to contribute. It is as if he is taking the woman out to dinner because it is a cheaper form of entertainment than going to the theater or going to whatever hotshot comedian is in town. However, unlike going to the movies or watching some other form of entertainment, the man during the dinner only passively pays attention to what is being said so even if the woman attempts to engage him in the dialogue, it does not work.
The Therapist  
   However, when a woman is forced to be a therapist she must listen to the entire man’s biography and each minute detail of his life. This is often when the man has no one to talk to and the woman is the first person to ever appear interested in him. Again, the woman must politely nod throughout, in order to show that she is absorbing each fascinating facet of his life. She must also prove her active listening skills through a questioning process over the topics he has just covered. This often requires the man to repeat what he has just said. If the woman tries to add in her own input, the man will once again take a hold of the conversation, navigating it towards himself.
   This is also a limited conversation. The woman oftentimes does not truly care about every single detail of the man’s life and is secretly craving the attention. She asks questions repeatedly in the hopes that the man will eventually grow tired of talking about his favorite subject and inquire about her own well being. This never happens, to her extreme dismay.
Conclusion
   I know that I am being unfair in suggesting that men cannot contribute to conversations. However, men rarely view the conversation as an art form in which both parties are equal participants. Rather, the conversation is seen as a sort of battle-like game of tug-o-war in which both members must fight for dominance. When a man is tired or not in the mood, he cedes and simply gives up trying to have a conversation completely, forcing the woman to be a geisha. However, when a man actively fights for dominance, he often wins, like the team with the fattest man orcing the woman to act as a therapist.

   Men really need to learn how to hold a discussion in which they are active participants. In the ideal conversation both parties participate in a Jenga of words in which both members must actively work together in order to ensure that the tower never tumbles over into the awkward deadened spaces of silence.