Millenials are constantly connected to various forms of media. You’ve heard it, I’ve heard it, we’ve all heard it – we are supposedly addicted to technology. While your own beliefs may differ from these allegations, I think it is fair to say that technology has changed the dating game, as I addressed in my first “Seminar in College Dating” post (Oh I am being so meta tonight!).
However, this technology not only changes the predating flirting game, it also alters face-to-face interactions. Most people don’t just have a conversation anymore: they multitask. They will talk while checking their Facebook notifications every two seconds. They will watch a movie with you while simultaneously looking at their phone for new text messages. They usually will just do something to divert their total attention away from you.
We do this all the time. In most circumstances this behavior is perfectly acceptable. When you’re just chilling with buds and no one is talking, mostly. Or when you’re put in a really awkward situation. Technology acts as both a conversation catalyst and an awkward buffer. However, this does not make this behavior acceptable during dates.
The Airplane Rule
This is why I propose “The Airplane Rule” which is as follows: When you are socializing, especially on a date, all electronics need to be turned off and properly stowed. This means no getting out computers, no phones should be left on any flat surfaces in front of my face, no iPods should be touched.
Some might say that this rule is harsh. However, the technology really forces people to divert their attention away from one another and onto an object. Technology ultimately deludes the entire purpose of a date. It conveys to the person, who is not checking their device, that they are not worth the checker’s time. When you continually check your phone, your mind is not with your date, but rather with the friends you are messaging. When you constantly check the time on your device, it sends the message that your time is being wasted by this human being.
When you are socializing, or dating, or whatever, it is important to gain a personal bond. This is an already challenging task. However, it is far more difficult when the divider of technology is placed between daters. When the limited attention we actually have is not focused on the person we need it to be focused on, but rather some object, we cannot develop a great relationship. This is because we are unable to lend the proper attention the relationship needs to bloom and blossom.
There are more problems with technology than the question of simple courtesy. When you are trying to get to know someone or spend time with just them, why should you add your 500 Facebook friends in? Why do you want to invite your roommates and best friends on your romantic date? While we live in an incredibly public world, it is still nice to keep intimate moments, intimate. I mean the last thing anyone wants is for their mother to end up in the bedroom because she called at that perfectly wrong time.
This rule can be broken during two circumstances. The first is when there is a family emergency. The second is when there are dinner reservations or you are driving a long distance. And obviously, safety should always be a consideration.
I’m not saying that technology is bad. I obviously think that it holds a place in college dating. Just not during the date.
So leave your phones, iPods, iPads, Gameboys and anything with an on/off switch behind. It’s going to be a long ride.
*Note: I realize that I liberally used the "generic you" throughout this entry.
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