A Brief Excuse
First of all, I apologize for not keeping up with my writing. I know none of you really care so this is more of an apology to myself.
Lately I have been busy traveling across the state. Busying myself with distractions to maintain the well-earned distance from the hurricane that is my mother in her graduation-planning mode. I have ventured to Iowa City, Osceola, Ames and Independence. Finally when I had no money left for gas, as I had spent all of my extra money going out to eat and doing things to my hair, I stayed home to bake weird varieties of cookies. Slowly sinking into the depressive abyss that is my home, I dug myself into the novel "Infinite Jest" as well as the horrific foreign films and art house documentaries Netflix would suggest. This only deepened my will to break the world record for the longest time spent in the corpse pose. Hence the need to travel and to busy myself with the weird baking.
Needless to say I have not written a lick in the past few weeks. I have attempted and I have been incredibly distracted.
Okay tangent over. On to the “date”
The Plans
Sometimes people have great ideas. Sometimes people have great, creative ideas but are not brave enough to commit. Sometimes people have great, creative ideas and are brave enough to commit. This is a tale of two ideas- one idea with no supporting confidence and another idea with a vim and vigor.
The boy calls me several times trying to hang out. I have an incredibly busy week and am ultimately not interested in wasting my time by watching a movie. I am also horrified by his proposition to workout during a study break. While I do enjoy working out, I like to do so in the privacy and comfort of my own home or in public at such ungodly hours no one can see my figure doing a duck-run.
Eventually he figures out my hectic weekday schedule and asks if he can make dinner for me on the weekend. I already have plans on Friday night. We agree to meet up on Saturday and he suggests making dinner for me. I think that this sounds like a wonderful idea. We agree to this idea and I anticipate our meeting on Saturday.
The "Date"- or Whatever
Saturday arrives and as usual I am spending my day by watching Hulu and not leaving the comfort my bed offers. I laze about until the evening at which time Yental Grandma texts me and asks if I have plans. As I have not heard any confirming messages from the boy I tentatively say yes to her plans. At around six or seven he finally calls me. He asks me what I want to do. It is at this moment I question whether he remembers the initial plans he had made. After a few minutes of painful telephone conversation he asks if I have already eaten and offers to heat up leftovers. This sounds less appealing than my potential dinner of Easy Mac, so I tell him that I am fine. After a few more minutes of awkward conversation we agree to meet in twenty minutes outside at the basketball courts. We have made no definitive plans and it doesn’t seem like any real plans will be made within the course of the evening.
I arrive to the basketball courts about fifteen late. Because he does not put in the effort to make and commit to plans, I return the favor. I meet him and graciously apologize for being late. We then stop by his apartment to grab his golf clubs and we go out.
Now I am not a golfer. I have never played the game and the only thing I know about the sport is that it is a good walk spoiled. While I’m glad that we’re actually doing something, I get bored quickly. He does not have the patience to give me a full lesson and seems more interested in putting around with the ball than talking to me.
Eventually he senses my weariness and we head back to his place. On the way back he tells me he is so happy to hang out with me because he has been dealing with a lot of personal issues lately. I listen to him while contemplating how I can abandon him without feeling too guilty.
We get back to his place and I confirm my plans with Yental Grandma. We decided to climb trees and urban explore our campus. I tell the boy what is going on in case he wants to come with me. He likes the idea but we have an hour before we are supposed to meet the rest of the group. So we awkwardly sit together in his room and watch YouTube videos while sipping on Mountain Dew. Yes, this date is so romantic I just want to die.
When it is finally late enough to meet everyone we head on our way. However, we can’t do this before the boy gets his bicycle. I love biking. However, I do not have my bicycle at school because of the incredibly long winter and the things that winter does to lovely bicycles. I tell him this. I also tell him that we’re going to be wandering a lot so a bicycle is not a good idea. However, he does not listen to me. So while he rides I must walk beside him. This is a very painful process. I awkwardly walk alone and he rides ahead of me, unsure of where to go. We finally get to our meeting spot and no one else is there. We wait for twenty minutes and people finally show up.
Once reunited with everyone we wander around campus, but not before the boy takes a five-minute detour to go back and unlock his bicycle. We wander around and find buildings to climb and explore and do a lot of awesome things. At each and every spot however, the boy must find a place for his bicycle to be properly locked and when we leave he must take five minutes to unlock it. I, obviously, start to become a little annoyed. Nonetheless we end up on the roof of a building and later in a giant lecture hall with a huge screen, perfect for watching movies. We stay there until I get tired. We exit the hall and see a couple having a lovely intimate time (yes, that kind of intimate) in a very public area. He then walks me home on his bicycle we bid one another an awkward goodbye as he tells he how beautiful I am and whatnot and then head on our own separate ways.
Grade of Date: ? This is like the last time we hung out. I made the plans and ended up spontaneously doing something awesome. However, his plans for the evening evidently did not exist and this fact brings the grade of the date down to failing. However, the evening was so much fun because of the stuff I did with my pals the activities he had "planned" didn't even matter.
Grade of Match: C- Yeah, we're not a match. Not at all.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
College Dating Seminar: The Airplane Rule
Millenials are constantly connected to various forms of media. You’ve heard it, I’ve heard it, we’ve all heard it – we are supposedly addicted to technology. While your own beliefs may differ from these allegations, I think it is fair to say that technology has changed the dating game, as I addressed in my first “Seminar in College Dating” post (Oh I am being so meta tonight!).
However, this technology not only changes the predating flirting game, it also alters face-to-face interactions. Most people don’t just have a conversation anymore: they multitask. They will talk while checking their Facebook notifications every two seconds. They will watch a movie with you while simultaneously looking at their phone for new text messages. They usually will just do something to divert their total attention away from you.
We do this all the time. In most circumstances this behavior is perfectly acceptable. When you’re just chilling with buds and no one is talking, mostly. Or when you’re put in a really awkward situation. Technology acts as both a conversation catalyst and an awkward buffer. However, this does not make this behavior acceptable during dates.
The Airplane Rule
This is why I propose “The Airplane Rule” which is as follows: When you are socializing, especially on a date, all electronics need to be turned off and properly stowed. This means no getting out computers, no phones should be left on any flat surfaces in front of my face, no iPods should be touched.
Some might say that this rule is harsh. However, the technology really forces people to divert their attention away from one another and onto an object. Technology ultimately deludes the entire purpose of a date. It conveys to the person, who is not checking their device, that they are not worth the checker’s time. When you continually check your phone, your mind is not with your date, but rather with the friends you are messaging. When you constantly check the time on your device, it sends the message that your time is being wasted by this human being.
When you are socializing, or dating, or whatever, it is important to gain a personal bond. This is an already challenging task. However, it is far more difficult when the divider of technology is placed between daters. When the limited attention we actually have is not focused on the person we need it to be focused on, but rather some object, we cannot develop a great relationship. This is because we are unable to lend the proper attention the relationship needs to bloom and blossom.
There are more problems with technology than the question of simple courtesy. When you are trying to get to know someone or spend time with just them, why should you add your 500 Facebook friends in? Why do you want to invite your roommates and best friends on your romantic date? While we live in an incredibly public world, it is still nice to keep intimate moments, intimate. I mean the last thing anyone wants is for their mother to end up in the bedroom because she called at that perfectly wrong time.
This rule can be broken during two circumstances. The first is when there is a family emergency. The second is when there are dinner reservations or you are driving a long distance. And obviously, safety should always be a consideration.
I’m not saying that technology is bad. I obviously think that it holds a place in college dating. Just not during the date.
So leave your phones, iPods, iPads, Gameboys and anything with an on/off switch behind. It’s going to be a long ride.
*Note: I realize that I liberally used the "generic you" throughout this entry.
However, this technology not only changes the predating flirting game, it also alters face-to-face interactions. Most people don’t just have a conversation anymore: they multitask. They will talk while checking their Facebook notifications every two seconds. They will watch a movie with you while simultaneously looking at their phone for new text messages. They usually will just do something to divert their total attention away from you.
We do this all the time. In most circumstances this behavior is perfectly acceptable. When you’re just chilling with buds and no one is talking, mostly. Or when you’re put in a really awkward situation. Technology acts as both a conversation catalyst and an awkward buffer. However, this does not make this behavior acceptable during dates.
The Airplane Rule
This is why I propose “The Airplane Rule” which is as follows: When you are socializing, especially on a date, all electronics need to be turned off and properly stowed. This means no getting out computers, no phones should be left on any flat surfaces in front of my face, no iPods should be touched.
Some might say that this rule is harsh. However, the technology really forces people to divert their attention away from one another and onto an object. Technology ultimately deludes the entire purpose of a date. It conveys to the person, who is not checking their device, that they are not worth the checker’s time. When you continually check your phone, your mind is not with your date, but rather with the friends you are messaging. When you constantly check the time on your device, it sends the message that your time is being wasted by this human being.
When you are socializing, or dating, or whatever, it is important to gain a personal bond. This is an already challenging task. However, it is far more difficult when the divider of technology is placed between daters. When the limited attention we actually have is not focused on the person we need it to be focused on, but rather some object, we cannot develop a great relationship. This is because we are unable to lend the proper attention the relationship needs to bloom and blossom.
There are more problems with technology than the question of simple courtesy. When you are trying to get to know someone or spend time with just them, why should you add your 500 Facebook friends in? Why do you want to invite your roommates and best friends on your romantic date? While we live in an incredibly public world, it is still nice to keep intimate moments, intimate. I mean the last thing anyone wants is for their mother to end up in the bedroom because she called at that perfectly wrong time.
This rule can be broken during two circumstances. The first is when there is a family emergency. The second is when there are dinner reservations or you are driving a long distance. And obviously, safety should always be a consideration.
I’m not saying that technology is bad. I obviously think that it holds a place in college dating. Just not during the date.
So leave your phones, iPods, iPads, Gameboys and anything with an on/off switch behind. It’s going to be a long ride.
*Note: I realize that I liberally used the "generic you" throughout this entry.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Date Twelve
Date 12
A dirty dozen! Gee whiz! Golly wolly! I should buy myself some flowers and pretend that I’ve actually found a significant other in celebration!
Okay, okay you don’t want to hear about that, so I will get onto the intimate details of my incredibly nonexistent love life.
The Set-Up
I am an incredibly busy young woman. I have to juggle class (and the enormous amount of reading that comes with those), various clubs and organizations, leadership positions, oh, and friends as well. In order for me to make confirmed plans with someone, I have to know ahead of time so that person is able to fit into an appropriate block within my crazy schedule. This often means that when I’m hanging out with a person I have to make plans for our next meeting when I am with them. If they wait I usually already have plans.
I say all of this to explain why and how the Monday lunch and subsequent excursion were planned and therefore worked out. I had plans, well in advance, to see these Chinese acrobats. I wasn’t going to be making any special efforts for any extra persons. I just wanted to see some very flexible people spin twenty plates on their heads.
However, the dude wants to hang out that evening. I am never one to say no to reasonable requests. Although I fall for reasonable requests, I am also not one to really exert much effort for an unexpected guest. So as I mentioned last time, I agree to pick him up at the community center at 7:40.
The Date (or whatever)
After agreeing to pick the dude up twenty minutes before the show, I get a text from my Yental PIC that the auditorium is filling up and I better get there stat. I oblige, but I am unable to find my keys. I wish that this experience was more atypical, but losing and scavenging for my keys happens very regularly. This naturally delays me in my attempt to be early so I show up right on the originally planned time. I then go and pick up a few other friends who also want to see a group of Chinese people do some crazy shit.
We arrive at the auditorium and we become easily distracted by some Indian dance club. We play with their sticks and attempt the fancy moves, but cannot master them in the brief ten minutes we spend at their booth. We eventually make our way to find seats. However, the entire theater is crowded so we have to sit in the back.
Then the show starts. I want to see some Chinese people attempt some crazy feats and boy, my wish was granted. During the show the dude doesn’t really talk, and the few things he does say are about the amazing athleticism of the acrobats. Like in almost any situation, I try to make a joke about this, but it just doesn’t translate. There is an intermission and we scurry up to get some seats that are closer. My date exits during this time, the only time in which we could actually have a conversation, to answer a phone call. He comes back and we watch the second act, which is even more awesomely insane than the first act. Plus because we’re closer we can see the looks of horror on the performers’ faces.
After the show is over, I try to meet up with Yental PIC, but the venue is so crowded we boogie out as soon as we can. The boy asks me if I have any plans after the show. I tell him yes, but they involve me studying for the (no joke) four exams I have that week as well as writing the two essays also due that week.
If the boy is disappointed, he doesn’t show it. After I drop my other buddies off, he tells me how much he likes my hair. He then awkwardly tells me how beautiful I am. I drop him off at his apartment and go on my merry way to dominate some essays.
Grade of Date A- (The reason why this is an A- is because I didn’t really do anything
with him. In fact, the deduction comes from my date, himself, because the acrobats
were freaking incredible and they get an A+)
Grade of Match C (I am very clearly the first creature with ovaries who has paid
attention to this boy in a long time)
A dirty dozen! Gee whiz! Golly wolly! I should buy myself some flowers and pretend that I’ve actually found a significant other in celebration!
Okay, okay you don’t want to hear about that, so I will get onto the intimate details of my incredibly nonexistent love life.
The Set-Up
I am an incredibly busy young woman. I have to juggle class (and the enormous amount of reading that comes with those), various clubs and organizations, leadership positions, oh, and friends as well. In order for me to make confirmed plans with someone, I have to know ahead of time so that person is able to fit into an appropriate block within my crazy schedule. This often means that when I’m hanging out with a person I have to make plans for our next meeting when I am with them. If they wait I usually already have plans.
I say all of this to explain why and how the Monday lunch and subsequent excursion were planned and therefore worked out. I had plans, well in advance, to see these Chinese acrobats. I wasn’t going to be making any special efforts for any extra persons. I just wanted to see some very flexible people spin twenty plates on their heads.
However, the dude wants to hang out that evening. I am never one to say no to reasonable requests. Although I fall for reasonable requests, I am also not one to really exert much effort for an unexpected guest. So as I mentioned last time, I agree to pick him up at the community center at 7:40.
The Date (or whatever)
After agreeing to pick the dude up twenty minutes before the show, I get a text from my Yental PIC that the auditorium is filling up and I better get there stat. I oblige, but I am unable to find my keys. I wish that this experience was more atypical, but losing and scavenging for my keys happens very regularly. This naturally delays me in my attempt to be early so I show up right on the originally planned time. I then go and pick up a few other friends who also want to see a group of Chinese people do some crazy shit.
We arrive at the auditorium and we become easily distracted by some Indian dance club. We play with their sticks and attempt the fancy moves, but cannot master them in the brief ten minutes we spend at their booth. We eventually make our way to find seats. However, the entire theater is crowded so we have to sit in the back.
Then the show starts. I want to see some Chinese people attempt some crazy feats and boy, my wish was granted. During the show the dude doesn’t really talk, and the few things he does say are about the amazing athleticism of the acrobats. Like in almost any situation, I try to make a joke about this, but it just doesn’t translate. There is an intermission and we scurry up to get some seats that are closer. My date exits during this time, the only time in which we could actually have a conversation, to answer a phone call. He comes back and we watch the second act, which is even more awesomely insane than the first act. Plus because we’re closer we can see the looks of horror on the performers’ faces.
After the show is over, I try to meet up with Yental PIC, but the venue is so crowded we boogie out as soon as we can. The boy asks me if I have any plans after the show. I tell him yes, but they involve me studying for the (no joke) four exams I have that week as well as writing the two essays also due that week.
If the boy is disappointed, he doesn’t show it. After I drop my other buddies off, he tells me how much he likes my hair. He then awkwardly tells me how beautiful I am. I drop him off at his apartment and go on my merry way to dominate some essays.
Grade of Date A- (The reason why this is an A- is because I didn’t really do anything
with him. In fact, the deduction comes from my date, himself, because the acrobats
were freaking incredible and they get an A+)
Grade of Match C (I am very clearly the first creature with ovaries who has paid
attention to this boy in a long time)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Think Point One: The Dark Knight
Think Points
So I have been on enough dates in order to make some observations and a few analyses of dating behavior in college. Yes, these behaviors are very generalized. No, they do not apply to everyone. But, I think that they can provide some interesting discussion and some deeper reflection, even if these ideas don’t apply to you. Unlike the seminars, the think points will cover the types of people and more specific situations I have encountered while dating, not the general episodes one may encounter on the road to a college relationship. Also, the audience for the "think points" will be women who want heterosexual relationships. Sorry, everyone else.
The actual dark knight
Cloaked in a faced of chivalry, the dark knight performs every duty in the name of politeness. While this initially comes off as a charming characteristic that your future prince has, it is a quality that runs much deeper than a strength that might sweep you off of your feet. This chivalry is a power that the knight will hold above you in all situations. Although this may seem confusing and even contradictory, ultimately the shield of niceness the knight carries allows the man to be a complete and total douche bag.
Clarification
No, I am not saying this about every guy. I am not saying that all nice guys are like this, either. I realize that there are a lot of beautifully wonderful men out there who would never act nice just to gain power and control in a relationship. I am not talking about these men. I am talking about the guys who say they are the wonderful, nice guys, but in reality they are not. I am talking about the men who appear to be nice and are called nice but are jerks.
Definition:
The Dark Knight is a guy who will initially appear very nice. He will open the door for you and be nice to your friends. He’ll get to know your interests. He’ll always hold your honor in the highest of regards. All of his friends will probably say he is a nice guy. It is because he is mostly a nice guy. However, he is nice for the wrong reasons. He is only chivalrous and polite for two reasons. The first reason is to get into your pretty panties. He knows that playing the part of the nice guy will get him so far sexually. He is going to play that card and play that card as hard as he can. He does this because it’s one of his only moves, because really, he isn’t that bright or good looking.
The second reason is because he wants power. The shield of chivalry allows a constant concern for the partner. As the nice guy is always worried about his mate, he ends up controlling and manipulating his partner because he is concerned about her behavior and wants to prevent anything bad from happening from her. Not only does he want nothing bad to happen to her, he doesn't want her to do anything that might put the relationship in jeopardy. While this is normally pretty fair, he will do anything to thwart these things, often resorting to absurd actions. He will also attempt to limit her freedom in the process in the name of love.
Identification
It is very difficult to identify one of these beasts. Because these knights are so skilled in the art of disguise, they maintain the illusion of the nice guy at all times. However, there are a few ways in which to discover these creatures. The first is that the significant others constantly feel guilt. The second is a stream of contradictory behavior.
For example- this is a man who will not hang out with you during the day because he is “diligently studying”. He won’t be able to make any time for you. But when you have that major exam he suddenly “misses” you. Then you must drop everything and run to pay him the attention that he requires. This is the guy who won’t take you to dinner because he wants to take things slow because he is worried about your honor, but as soon as he is a little tipsy he will drunk dial you for a classy- ass booty call. This is the guy who will yell at you for getting too wild at a party because he is worried about your reputation. But at the same time he is doing shot for shot with the biggest guy at the party, turning himself into a human vomit-sprinkler.
What to do
Like with any aspect of dating, you just have to be careful. Ask yourself why this man is being nice. Is he nice because he is truly a nice guy, or is he just looking for something? This question is hard to ask, especially when you are smitten, but it is something that you should think about.
Again- NOT ALL NICE GUYS ARE THE DARK KNIGHT!! Some nice guys are just genuinely nice. However, a lot of tools are smart and pick up the mask of a sweet fool to get some.
ALSO - this is from MY experience. So don't get mad at me... please...
So I have been on enough dates in order to make some observations and a few analyses of dating behavior in college. Yes, these behaviors are very generalized. No, they do not apply to everyone. But, I think that they can provide some interesting discussion and some deeper reflection, even if these ideas don’t apply to you. Unlike the seminars, the think points will cover the types of people and more specific situations I have encountered while dating, not the general episodes one may encounter on the road to a college relationship. Also, the audience for the "think points" will be women who want heterosexual relationships. Sorry, everyone else.
The actual dark knight
Cloaked in a faced of chivalry, the dark knight performs every duty in the name of politeness. While this initially comes off as a charming characteristic that your future prince has, it is a quality that runs much deeper than a strength that might sweep you off of your feet. This chivalry is a power that the knight will hold above you in all situations. Although this may seem confusing and even contradictory, ultimately the shield of niceness the knight carries allows the man to be a complete and total douche bag.
Clarification
No, I am not saying this about every guy. I am not saying that all nice guys are like this, either. I realize that there are a lot of beautifully wonderful men out there who would never act nice just to gain power and control in a relationship. I am not talking about these men. I am talking about the guys who say they are the wonderful, nice guys, but in reality they are not. I am talking about the men who appear to be nice and are called nice but are jerks.
Definition:
The Dark Knight is a guy who will initially appear very nice. He will open the door for you and be nice to your friends. He’ll get to know your interests. He’ll always hold your honor in the highest of regards. All of his friends will probably say he is a nice guy. It is because he is mostly a nice guy. However, he is nice for the wrong reasons. He is only chivalrous and polite for two reasons. The first reason is to get into your pretty panties. He knows that playing the part of the nice guy will get him so far sexually. He is going to play that card and play that card as hard as he can. He does this because it’s one of his only moves, because really, he isn’t that bright or good looking.
The second reason is because he wants power. The shield of chivalry allows a constant concern for the partner. As the nice guy is always worried about his mate, he ends up controlling and manipulating his partner because he is concerned about her behavior and wants to prevent anything bad from happening from her. Not only does he want nothing bad to happen to her, he doesn't want her to do anything that might put the relationship in jeopardy. While this is normally pretty fair, he will do anything to thwart these things, often resorting to absurd actions. He will also attempt to limit her freedom in the process in the name of love.
Identification
It is very difficult to identify one of these beasts. Because these knights are so skilled in the art of disguise, they maintain the illusion of the nice guy at all times. However, there are a few ways in which to discover these creatures. The first is that the significant others constantly feel guilt. The second is a stream of contradictory behavior.
For example- this is a man who will not hang out with you during the day because he is “diligently studying”. He won’t be able to make any time for you. But when you have that major exam he suddenly “misses” you. Then you must drop everything and run to pay him the attention that he requires. This is the guy who won’t take you to dinner because he wants to take things slow because he is worried about your honor, but as soon as he is a little tipsy he will drunk dial you for a classy- ass booty call. This is the guy who will yell at you for getting too wild at a party because he is worried about your reputation. But at the same time he is doing shot for shot with the biggest guy at the party, turning himself into a human vomit-sprinkler.
What to do
Like with any aspect of dating, you just have to be careful. Ask yourself why this man is being nice. Is he nice because he is truly a nice guy, or is he just looking for something? This question is hard to ask, especially when you are smitten, but it is something that you should think about.
Again- NOT ALL NICE GUYS ARE THE DARK KNIGHT!! Some nice guys are just genuinely nice. However, a lot of tools are smart and pick up the mask of a sweet fool to get some.
ALSO - this is from MY experience. So don't get mad at me... please...
Date Eleven
The Set-Up
So this is my second, second date. I know I haven't written about dates for a bit, but I really haven't felt like it. Sorry, folks!
The boy is gone at a golf tournament for the weekend so we cannot meet up. However, he sends me a Facebook message. This obviously conveys definite interest. Once he gets back he texts and asks me what I do for lunch on Mondays. Well normally I get lunch with all of my buddies. Also this lunch is generally painful for me to miss because I like to chat with my pals, but I decide to miss it to get to know the boy a little bit more. We agree to meet during the noon hour at the Memorial Union to break bread and whatnot.
The Date
Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to date. This is one of these days. Prior to the date I am forced to make several calls for a club in an attempt to book a hotel room during a home-game weekend. This not only is a futile quest, but the mission also makes me about ten minutes late to lunch. In addition, the boy doesn’t call or text me to confirm or lunch date either, so I’m not even sure if it is still happening. Well eventually, after I get done making my calls, he texts me that he is at the C-Store
(yes, the C-Store, the location of my favorite date) in the MU.
I trudge on over to the Memorial Union, not quite knowing what to expect. I’m just a little cranky. It, after all, is a Monday and I have already been hard at work. I am not in the mood to entertain or pull the inquiring teeth that most dates have forced me to do. After a several minute search and scour of the MU I eventually find my date. He is sitting, without a plan or idea, waiting for me. He asks if I want Subway. I don’t particularly like the most popular fast-food chain in America, but there are few options in the Union and I’m not that hungry anyways. I order a four- inch children’s size sandwich and the golfer orders a golf club sized sandwich.
The Memorial Union during the noon hour on Monday, Wednesday, Fridays is absolutely hopping. I know about this from earlier in the year as my friends and I tried to meet there for lunch. We met there once and only once and we realized that the Memorial Union is a stupid place to dine during the noon hour. However, like during all of my dates, my common sense goes out the window and my noob mistakes come into play. Well, obviously the craziness of the Union during the noon hour prevents us from finding any seat. Anywhere. We wander around for a good ten minutes and we cannot find a single open spot. Finally I am able to hunt down some overflow seating and park it there.
After the long trudge around, we get to eating and whatnot, but by this time there isn’t even that much time to eat. I listen to him talk about golf. I listen to him talk about his trip. I am really cranky right now so I just don’t care. He asks what I’m doing that night and I can’t help it. I am horrible at making up lies on the spot, especially when my juices just aren't flowing, so I tell him that I’m going to see the Chinese acrobats. He happens to be free. And I happen to be picking him up at 7:45.
Grade of Date: D (Reminiscent of my favorite very, very horrible date without the entertaining story)
Grade of Match: C (We are clearly struggling for some common ground right now - but he is lonely and I like attention. Sometimes that's all people need)
So this is my second, second date. I know I haven't written about dates for a bit, but I really haven't felt like it. Sorry, folks!
The boy is gone at a golf tournament for the weekend so we cannot meet up. However, he sends me a Facebook message. This obviously conveys definite interest. Once he gets back he texts and asks me what I do for lunch on Mondays. Well normally I get lunch with all of my buddies. Also this lunch is generally painful for me to miss because I like to chat with my pals, but I decide to miss it to get to know the boy a little bit more. We agree to meet during the noon hour at the Memorial Union to break bread and whatnot.
The Date
Sometimes I’m just not in the mood to date. This is one of these days. Prior to the date I am forced to make several calls for a club in an attempt to book a hotel room during a home-game weekend. This not only is a futile quest, but the mission also makes me about ten minutes late to lunch. In addition, the boy doesn’t call or text me to confirm or lunch date either, so I’m not even sure if it is still happening. Well eventually, after I get done making my calls, he texts me that he is at the C-Store
(yes, the C-Store, the location of my favorite date) in the MU.
I trudge on over to the Memorial Union, not quite knowing what to expect. I’m just a little cranky. It, after all, is a Monday and I have already been hard at work. I am not in the mood to entertain or pull the inquiring teeth that most dates have forced me to do. After a several minute search and scour of the MU I eventually find my date. He is sitting, without a plan or idea, waiting for me. He asks if I want Subway. I don’t particularly like the most popular fast-food chain in America, but there are few options in the Union and I’m not that hungry anyways. I order a four- inch children’s size sandwich and the golfer orders a golf club sized sandwich.
The Memorial Union during the noon hour on Monday, Wednesday, Fridays is absolutely hopping. I know about this from earlier in the year as my friends and I tried to meet there for lunch. We met there once and only once and we realized that the Memorial Union is a stupid place to dine during the noon hour. However, like during all of my dates, my common sense goes out the window and my noob mistakes come into play. Well, obviously the craziness of the Union during the noon hour prevents us from finding any seat. Anywhere. We wander around for a good ten minutes and we cannot find a single open spot. Finally I am able to hunt down some overflow seating and park it there.
After the long trudge around, we get to eating and whatnot, but by this time there isn’t even that much time to eat. I listen to him talk about golf. I listen to him talk about his trip. I am really cranky right now so I just don’t care. He asks what I’m doing that night and I can’t help it. I am horrible at making up lies on the spot, especially when my juices just aren't flowing, so I tell him that I’m going to see the Chinese acrobats. He happens to be free. And I happen to be picking him up at 7:45.
Grade of Date: D (Reminiscent of my favorite very, very horrible date without the entertaining story)
Grade of Match: C (We are clearly struggling for some common ground right now - but he is lonely and I like attention. Sometimes that's all people need)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
College Seminar Three The Art of the Conversation - Geishas and Therapists
So by now I’ve been on about 15 dates – give or take a few and I have realized the complete incompetence of men on a first date. Yes, many men are able to go through the motions and the polite procedures of chivalry, but in order for a woman to earn her dinner she must fill one of two roles: the geisha and the therapist. The geisha is the role of the entertainer. The therapist has to listen to the male’s problems and get at to the heart of his deep issues – often because he never talks and he needs to act out his catharsis in some manner.
The Geisha
When a woman is forced to play the role of a geisha she must constantly entertain her date. She has to chat incessantly in order to fill the dead gaps in the date, as her male companion has not learned how to hold a conversation. She has to laugh as if on a perfect egg timer to the limited offerings of jokes her date supplies. She must manage all of this while smiling and nodding politely throughout.
In these discussions, it is a truly a one-way dialogue. The man ultimately has nothing to contribute. It is as if he is taking the woman out to dinner because it is a cheaper form of entertainment than going to the theater or going to whatever hotshot comedian is in town. However, unlike going to the movies or watching some other form of entertainment, the man during the dinner only passively pays attention to what is being said so even if the woman attempts to engage him in the dialogue, it does not work.
The Therapist
However, when a woman is forced to be a therapist she must listen to the entire man’s biography and each minute detail of his life. This is often when the man has no one to talk to and the woman is the first person to ever appear interested in him. Again, the woman must politely nod throughout, in order to show that she is absorbing each fascinating facet of his life. She must also prove her active listening skills through a questioning process over the topics he has just covered. This often requires the man to repeat what he has just said. If the woman tries to add in her own input, the man will once again take a hold of the conversation, navigating it towards himself.
This is also a limited conversation. The woman oftentimes does not truly care about every single detail of the man’s life and is secretly craving the attention. She asks questions repeatedly in the hopes that the man will eventually grow tired of talking about his favorite subject and inquire about her own well being. This never happens, to her extreme dismay.
Conclusion
I know that I am being unfair in suggesting that men cannot contribute to conversations. However, men rarely view the conversation as an art form in which both parties are equal participants. Rather, the conversation is seen as a sort of battle-like game of tug-o-war in which both members must fight for dominance. When a man is tired or not in the mood, he cedes and simply gives up trying to have a conversation completely, forcing the woman to be a geisha. However, when a man actively fights for dominance, he often wins, like the team with the fattest man orcing the woman to act as a therapist.
Men really need to learn how to hold a discussion in which they are active participants. In the ideal conversation both parties participate in a Jenga of words in which both members must actively work together in order to ensure that the tower never tumbles over into the awkward deadened spaces of silence.
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