What Never To Do In A Vacationship

So obviously I have had my fair share of vacationship experiences, but I also glean a wealth of knowledge from other’s mistakes as well. So here are some direct examples of what never to do in or on a vacationship from many others, including my trusty Wing Woman. Clearly this advice applies to vacations that are all expensive paid by mummy and daddy, so therefore I have to deal with them. In regards to the advice deals with parents, feel free to adjust the advice accordingly and substitute “parents” with “prudish friend” if you so choose.


The Top Ten!

1. Do not get into a vacationship just because your mama told you not to. Yes, vacationships should be experimental and fun. But going after a burly, tattooed, mustachioed marine just because mom told you not to is not a reason to go after a guy. That is why you go after a boy in high school. So quick age check! Do you see the title of this blog? Excellent! Are you currently or have you ever been accepted to a university, attended a university in order to attain a degree (not just to not be in high school or transfer later), lived away from home for over four months, and finally know the shitty dorm food BUT also know the schedule so well you know the days when they serve the good stuff? If you answered “Why, yes!” to three of these four questions you are in college and you are in the right place! Congratulations former high school student! So step away from the dish best served cold (he doesn’t look that good anyways) and come into some honey.

Taking off clothing - Not Classy!

2. It is fine if and even encouraged that you take off your clothing in front of your vacationship. It is not encouraged to take off your clothing in front of your vacationship and all of his or her friends. This means that it is not cute to crawl into a hot tub, after nine jager bombs, while wearing only your underwear. It also means it is still unacceptable to strip down to your skivvies even when “I’m in Love with a Stripper” is playing. Yes, even at Senor Frogs. Especially with the advent of cell phones and Facebook – you do not want your one-week fling to destroy your future. The only exception to this rule, and this is an absolute maybe, is if you are playing a socially acceptable game. Now keep in mind that socially acceptable usually means classy and classy means employed. So even then, use your best judgment.

3. Don’t play musical beds (from previous entries if you do this it is not a vacationship).

4. Don’t introduce your parents to your vacationship if he or she is an experiment. If she or he is someone you would be seen with in the real world, more power to you and go ahead and introduce him or her to your parents. This very well may save you a lot of trouble in the future.

5. Do introduce your parents to at least one of your vacation-made friends so when they see you chatting up your vacationship’s dad or scarier, more tattooed friend, they don’t think you’re trying to hit on him.

6. Don’t do anything intimate in places your family members might be. It is fine to be a little intimate in front of strangers. Hell, you will never, ever see these people again (okay, you might, but that is a different story… or stories). But if you choose a location that your family also frequents go back to your bunk and screw on a different head. For example if your dad is a huge swing fan and your little brother is in jazz band, then a jazz club is not a great place to take your vacationship to the next level. Yes, even if it is romantic and fun to disturb the waltzing old folks. The disturbed looks that you might get are not worth it.

Evidence: Hot Tub = Not Sexy

7. Also don’t pick a place where you can be easily interrupted. Hot tubs seem steamy, but not only are they full of STDs, but also the staff (and you will probably get a staph infection if you do anything in those hot tubs) regularly checks these areas. Elevators also seem super sexy in the movies, but when the door opens to your vacationhip’s sister you gotta go and straighten your dress and shake out your hair and watch him wipe his face and see the look on her face. Yeah, you are screwed in so many ways.

8. Don’t take yourself too seriously. If you are picking an experimental person then your buds are going to make fun of you and make fun of your vacationship. Be prepared for puns, innuendos and a ton of really awful jokes. You’re having fun every night; let them have fun when they see you during the day. And oh, will they have fun.

9. Don’t get too attached to your vacationship. It is supposed to last a week and while texting and Facebooking is fine, don’t get too connected because the magic of the vacation is gone. Ultimately save yourself and don’t get heartbroken over the person. It is really easy to do because you can view this person within the halo of the vacation. Everything seems to have a rosy glow. Plus because the relationship was one week long, things ended perfectly. You never went through the trials of a real relationship. Do not let this rosy hindsight let you get attached to someone you knew for a week. Even if you think you love them.

10. The final and most important rule of the vacationship. DO NOT HAVE A DAMN VACATIONSHIP IF YOU ARE IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP! I do not care if the states don’t touch. I don’t care if it’s spring break. If a line is crossed, no matter how small, within a month the REAL couple is broken up and the vacationship is forgotten about. This has happened so many times. And really, it is NOT worth it.