NEW SERIES!!
I have been incredibly busy lately (midterms, birthday parties - Happy Birthday Yental CM!, musicals, etc.) and have been unable to go on very many dates as of late. Also I have been working on this project all by my lonesome (as in without the aid of Yentals) for the past few dates. This makes things much more difficult. While I have several on-going flirtations – nothing has been going on at the moment. So for these slow periods I am going to be posting “College Dating Seminars” with topics like “Tawdry Texting”, “The Lost Art of the Phone Call” and “In-Class Romance". So to start off this series I will be talking about the all-important Facebook Flirt: Poke and Message Edition. (Warning - This is obviously directed for a college audience so the language is for such. This is not for the faint of heart)
The Facebook Flirtation
When two people like one another in college – the idea is to communicate the most with the least amount of effort. This dance is perfectly demonstrated on Facebook. There are about four types of communications that can be done through Facebook (if there are more, please let me know): the poke, the message, the wall post, chat. Each of these has their own merits and varies in complexities and effort.
The Poke
The laziest of all of these is the poke. If a person thinks another is hot, cute, sexy, fuckable (or all of the above) one party will “poke” another party. This is possibly the laziest way to let a person know that you are interested. If the poke is reciprocated then the person is obviously declaring “I am fine with you poking me electronically, so obviously I am fine with a literal poke as well. And no, I don’t care what you poke me with.”
The most important part of the poke is its ambiguity. I mean really, what the hell is a poke? That’s the magic. It can be interpreted by the poker and pokee in any which way. So if the poker thinks “I wanna bang this guido.” And the pokee thinks,“Meh…Whatevs” it really doesn’t matter because the fact that the fact that the poke is taking place is all that matters. It conveys interest and this is all anyone cares about – even if it is “Meh”.
Another important thing to note is that the poke is private. No one knows when or where a poke takes place. This is much like the common "fuck-buddy". Everyone knows someone is getting some action – however the sources are questionable. The person is ashamed of their buddy and they’re not going to tell anyone about who they are poking. In this way the poke is not unlike the secret family every CEO is embarrassed to have. The poke is privately admitting that someone “beneath” you is attractive. This only happens in the world of Facebook and with the rich and famous.
Yet laziness is not the only reason for a poke. The poker is also too afraid to confront this person in real life. This may be because the poker is a "reacher" and the person he or she is poking would never reciprocate his or her un-electronic poke. This person is afraid to be rejected in reality. However if this person receives no return poke there is truly no harm. Electronic rejection is more painless than the stinging sorrows of a refusal in reality.
However, BEWARE OF THE POKE!!!! The poke mostly went out of style in high school. While the lone poker still remains – these are the people who have not gotten the hint that poking is a taboo only exercised by those who have child-molesting tendencies.
The Message
A second private form of Facebook communication that also is slothful is the message. This is the same as an e-mail except even lazier. This is because college students are slaves to Facebook so it takes absolutely no effort or energy to check the Facebook message whereas it takes time to respond to an actual e-mail because one must log into the proper channels. The Facebook message can range from the embarrassed “hey” to the lengthy confession.
This is a truly lazy form of flirtation as it is a convenience-driven form of courtship. One party opts to respond to another when they are on Facebook (and let’s face it, in college that is almost always). However, if they don’t feel like typing out a response, they don’t have to. It is passive and apathetic – like all forms of co-ed wooing.
Ultimately the message in no way differs from the e-mail except for that it is far lazier than the e-mail and it is more difficult to forward. This means that there is a little more privacy with the message. At the same time there is less spam involved in the Facebook message so you know that the person is doing a little more than pushing a forward button (therein lies a paradox).
What's next?
So this is going to be my last entry for a little while. I'm going on spring break and I will not have too much internet access. However, when I get back I will be right back at it!
Also - I am having trouble getting dates. Any and all help will be appreciated.
Anything I missed with poking or messaging? Suggestions for future seminars? Let me know below!
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