Date Five

The Set-Up
   Some stories are told so many times that they become well-rehearsed masterpieces. The pauses in which the audience should “ooh” and the dramatized moments have all been practiced to perfection. The story of how I met this match is one such story.
   I met him in the fall through Yental CM. CM thought that it would be hilarious to have the two of us hang out as he is an alcoholic with yellow fever and I am the correct shade of not-white (or not all white).
   I was also curious about this boy, as I had been hearing legends of his drunken behavior through my roommates. I was fascinated and impressed by his creative drunkenness. The story how he used a Patron bottle to hold the foulest, cheapest vodka (all to look classy at the various trashy house parties and frats, of course) had gone around campus and spread like freshmen year mono. Of course I had to meet this guy.
   Anyways, CM arranges him to come along with a group of us to see a comedian at the Union. Well his history (also known as alcoholism) in combination with my ethnicity caused the boy to get very, very drunk, all so he could hit on me. I, of course, was incredibly disturbed (okay, yes and a tiny bit amused). He tried sitting next to me and I, being sound of mind, freaked out at his drunken sexual advances and moved (he kept on trying to feel my knitted tights). He spent the remainder of the show crying about his lack of game. This obviously did not help him. Things only improved when, after the show, he tried to have an actual conversation with me, but proceeded to bash all of my guy friends. His rant lasted until the Union closed, at which time Grandma pointed out that it was much too late and dark for me to walk home by myself. She then suggested that the boy who had been hitting on me all night walk me home. Luckily I made it home safely and was able to give Grandma a lovely guilt trip the next day (she was apparently unaware of his advances).
  So when Yental CM heard about my project and began picking out guys for me to date, she naturally suggested this guy. I said okay. After all, could it be worse than the first time I met him?

The Date
   So the guy tells Yental CM that he is going to take me out on a date. An actual date. Not coffee, not lunch but a dinner. CM then warns me that the match is an emotional disaster and he may show up to the date drunk. She also informs me that he is employed at a fast-food sandwich shop and his idea of a dinner date might involve a speedy bite there. This is not the kind of pep-talk I am looking for and I dread the actual date. Actually, it’s not even dread. I’m terrified of this date.
   The boy picks me up for dinner. I enter his car and, to my delight, I smell no alcohol. It however, becomes very clear that he lacks prodigious skills of planning. He has no idea where to take me. After working so hard to get me the first time, one would have thought he would have had a plan. We discuss where we should go as he drives his car with his legs (it takes a special type of athlete to do this). We end up going to a Chinese place. To my horror, it is the very same place my parents had
their very first date.
   Once I get over my shock, I begin the usual first date interrogation. I begin to wonder how much time he spends alone as he talks nonstop. Even when he mentions that he has been talking all night and finally asks me a question, he quickly hijacks my answer. I begin to run out of questions and pick out the smallest details of his answers to encourage conversation. Eventually I give up and resort to mocking our enormously awkward and uncomfortably quiet waiter. This lasts for a surprisingly long two and half hours.

Results:
   Ultimately I was expecting the date to be a lot worse than it actually was. Really, it wasn’t that bad. He is just an example of a guy who doesn’t know how to date. He knew how to go through the motions, but his execution was flawed. He wanted to take me to dinner, but didn't have a plan on where to go.  He paid for dinner, but he didn’t hold the door open for me.  He would answer my questions, but never bother to get to know me. I also never really got to know him. As much as I to dig into a “life story” he just kept on circling around the same three answers the whole night (I got to know a lot about internet security and creating music on a computer though, so that’s something). So again, it wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be.

Grade of Match: C (We don’t have a lot in common, but I can see us being friends.
Maybe if he would relax and be the goof of the legends I would be more amused.
I was not incredibly interested by him, and that seems to be the number one
requirement for his partners)
Grade of Date: B (Chinese dinner. He really made an effort. He was just not good at
dating.)

Next Time:  Speed Dating Results!